did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
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I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
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Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize