mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
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Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize