i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
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I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
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So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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