I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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