Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
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Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
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A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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