Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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