He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize