it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
im six kinds of drunk right now
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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