weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
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I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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