there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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