Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize