A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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