there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize