i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
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you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
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Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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