His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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