so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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