What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My pussy is not your playground.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
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It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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