Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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