You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
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Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
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Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I did not marry a roomba.
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