there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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