One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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