they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
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we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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