In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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