What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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