just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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