I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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