She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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