so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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