I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
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I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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