I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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