I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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