I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize