I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize