i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
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I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
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Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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