I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
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in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
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I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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