The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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