He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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