I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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