He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize