And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
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Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
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Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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