I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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