We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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