party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize