don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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