Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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