I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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