Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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