I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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