I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be still, my beating vagina.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize