her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize